IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming?

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There is no denying the fact that advancements and developments in big countries
such
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 as the USA and China have led to major environmental problems including global warming.
This
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 essay will explore what makes global warming a serious issue and the potential measures that can be taken to limit its impact.
To begin
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 with, in recent years, the earth has been facing a big challenge with global warming as it is affecting many aspects of life including the climate. To illustrate, we have seen an increase in the temperature levels in different areas internationally.
This
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 increase has made a problem
to
Change preposition
for
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 the uninhabited communities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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killed
Wrong verb form
killing
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 them in extreme cases.
For example
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, recent studies showed that the rate of ocean floods has increased because of a direct correlation with temperature.
Moreover
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,
while
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 the ice in the North Pole is melting
in
Change preposition
at
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 a rapid
base
Correct your spelling
pace
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, its effect is seen in the rise in the regional water levels and marine life.
Furthermore
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, extreme measures should be taken by individuals to protect the ecosystem and to reduce the impact of global warming, one of which is the recycling practice. By raising the awareness of recyclable products
such
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 as
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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, people will contribute to limiting the environmental impacts on earth.
For instance
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, many shops are providing paper bags for packing which is a friendly recyclable product for the environment.
As a result
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 , people tend to consume more paper bags rather than plastic which supports the reduction of global warming. In conclusion,
although
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 advancements and industrialization are important for countries’ development, they are resulting in environmental challenges in the long term. One of the problems is the increase in temperature levels resulting from global warming
that is
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 affecting marine life. Despite that, individuals can contribute to safeguarding the earth by consuming more recyclable products
such
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 as paper bags
while
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 shopping.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is clear and outlines the main points of the essay effectively. However, it could be improved by providing a bit more context or specific examples of how developed countries contribute to global warming.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion is present but should summarize the key points discussed in the body of the essay more clearly. This can help reinforce your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
The main points are supported with relevant examples, but you can enhance them by including more specific data or research findings to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure to use precise language when discussing complex issues. For example, instead of saying 'killed them in extreme cases', you might specify how climate issues lead to deaths in vulnerable communities.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies the issues of global warming and its connection to developed countries, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases like 'To begin with' and 'Furthermore' helps guide the reader through the essay.
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