In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

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Children
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are engaged in a variety of jobs throughout numerous regions. Some people argue over
this
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circumcision.
Children
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should not be expected to work, in my opinion.
This
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essay concurs that working for pay is not the appropriate concern. First of all, it is incorrect for health and safety grounds. The majority of kids lack sufficient experience on how to act around different kinds of equipment.
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may result in a number of mishaps, including fire and injuries.
Second,
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teens are entitled to enjoy their youth. People who believe that people would have wonderful life experiences if they begin working at a young
age
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forget that they will never get the chance to enjoy their youth again and behave like their
age
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peers.
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, the majority of
children
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who work in factories begin smoking and even abusing narcotics at a relatively young
age
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.
Finally
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,
children
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's education is a major responsibility. Their ability to make money can prevent them from going to school.
For example
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, a UK
children
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's charity found that teens who worked part-time were less likely to achieve higher grades than their peers.
However
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, I believe that
children
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learn invaluable things from working.
To sum up
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, even if paid work gives them experience at a young
age
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, I believe that education is essential for all teenagers to learn about various subjects and use them in their chosen industries.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly reflect the main argument of your essay. It's important that it accurately captures your stance on children's work.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences to improve overall coherence. Use clearer referencing and transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Including a wider range of examples can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've made a clear stance against child labor, which is a strong position to take in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion framed the main argument well, giving a sense of structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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