In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
are engaged in a variety of jobs throughout numerous regions. Some people argue over
this
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circumcision.
Children
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should not be expected to work, in my opinion.
This
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essay concurs that working for pay is not the appropriate concern.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is incorrect for health and safety grounds. The majority of kids lack sufficient experience on how to act around different kinds of equipment.
This
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may result in a number of mishaps, including fire and injuries.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
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teens are entitled to enjoy their youth. People who believe that people would have wonderful life experiences if they begin working at a young
age
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forget that they will never get the chance to enjoy their youth again and behave like their
age
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peers.
For instance
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, the majority of
children
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who work in factories begin smoking and even abusing narcotics at a relatively young
age
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.
Body paragraph 3
Finally
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,
children
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's education is a major responsibility. Their ability to make money can prevent them from going to school.
For example
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, a UK
children
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's charity found that teens who worked part-time were less likely to achieve higher grades than their peers.
However
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, I believe that
children
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learn invaluable things from working.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, even if paid work gives them experience at a young
age
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, I believe that education is essential for all teenagers to learn about various subjects and use them in their chosen industries.
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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly reflect the main argument of your essay. It's important that it accurately captures your stance on children's work.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences to improve overall coherence. Use clearer referencing and transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Including a wider range of examples can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've made a clear stance against child labor, which is a strong position to take in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion framed the main argument well, giving a sense of structure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
I recently bought a Komputa 2000 laptop computer at your Henley branch. However, within a few days, I began to experience problems with it. The main problems were that a few of the programs installed on it ceased to function and that the laptop refused to accept any discs, even though these discs are accepted by both my desktop computer and my friend’s Toshiba 2000.
Spending lots of time on screen has been seen among pupils these days and this happens because they find lots of entertainment in it as some parents work round the clock they do not have time for their children so they give them gadgets so that they can focus on their work.Even though it seems an effective approach ,I still regard it as an unfortunate development.
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