In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
are engaged in a variety of jobs throughout numerous regions. Some people argue over
this
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circumcision.
Children
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should not be expected to work, in my opinion.
This
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essay concurs that working for pay is not the appropriate concern.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is incorrect for health and safety grounds. The majority of kids lack sufficient experience on how to act around different kinds of equipment.
This
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may result in a number of mishaps, including fire and injuries.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
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teens are entitled to enjoy their youth. People who believe that people would have wonderful life experiences if they begin working at a young
age
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forget that they will never get the chance to enjoy their youth again and behave like their
age
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peers.
For instance
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, the majority of
children
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who work in factories begin smoking and even abusing narcotics at a relatively young
age
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.
Body paragraph 3
Finally
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,
children
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's education is a major responsibility. Their ability to make money can prevent them from going to school.
For example
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, a UK
children
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's charity found that teens who worked part-time were less likely to achieve higher grades than their peers.
However
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, I believe that
children
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learn invaluable things from working.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, even if paid work gives them experience at a young
age
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, I believe that education is essential for all teenagers to learn about various subjects and use them in their chosen industries.
aygunakbarovael
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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly reflect the main argument of your essay. It's important that it accurately captures your stance on children's work.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences to improve overall coherence. Use clearer referencing and transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Including a wider range of examples can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've made a clear stance against child labor, which is a strong position to take in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion framed the main argument well, giving a sense of structure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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There is no doubt that these days smoking has become a very common habit worldwide. The question is, why should we be concerned about this and what can we do to stop it? In this essay, I am going to discuss the effects of smoking and how to solve this dilemma.
In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of criminals in many countries, even if their national economy is growing. Therefore, people hold different views about the factors contributing to crimes.
In the present day, remote work has become more popular due to technological advancement and global pandemics. Some suggest that this enhances employee's productivity and ensures work-life balance, while others argue it could lead to loneliness and working overtime. In the following paragraphs, both points of view will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.