IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of the widely discussed issue nowadays is that humanity spend less time to sleep than it was before.

One of the widely discussed
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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 nowadays is that humanity
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 less
time
Use synonyms
to sleep
Change the verb form
sleeping
show examples
 than it was before. It is undeniable that sleep has become an essential part of our life. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will look at the life-work balance and its effects on
people
Use synonyms
. One of the main causes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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short sleep is
life-work
Correct article usage
the life-work
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 balance. It is a result of running for
career
Add an article
a career
the career
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the costs of food, housing and other needs
became
Wrong verb form
become
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demand
Add an article
a demand
the demand
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 for
persons
Replace the word
people
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 them to chase high salary,
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 more hours at work, and not caring themself. The second cause that might be noted is wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
. That all provoked a shortage of sleep and contributed to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as
stress
Use synonyms
,
chronic
Correct word choice
and chronic
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 fatigue. As an example, South
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
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 is fast growing country, where citizens follow for the best life,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 experience
overload
Add an article
an overload
show examples
 of work to get promoted and to be recognised.
Hence
Linking Words
, after work they allow themselves to spend leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with colleagues in restaurants, afterwards, only
then
Linking Words
they
Add a missing verb
do they
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 go to bed or
people
Use synonyms
 slide down reels,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
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time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
 with friends. Waking up in the morning with just 4-5 hours of sleep routine repeats.
This
Linking Words
 lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient sleep
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
stress
Use synonyms
 and chronic tiredness. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 system
needs
Add the particle
needs to
show examples
 recover,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sleep
fill
Change the verb form
fills
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with energy.
However
Linking Words
, everyday individuals are asleep with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high level of cortisol
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 devote
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a dream, chasing
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and gaining
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 and status they sacrifice
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
stress
Use synonyms
 and fatigue become enormous problems that require much
time
Use synonyms
 and money.

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further and ensure that each main point is clearly linked to the thesis statement. This enhances clarity and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs. Using more cohesive devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You have clearly identified a significant issue related to sleep patterns and its causes, which demonstrates awareness of contemporary concerns.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, indicating an understanding of the essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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