IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Study abroad can be highly motivational for students and also inspire their dreams. However, whilst studying abroad can have a number of positive effects on students, there are also many difficulties that they may meet along the way. With this is in mind, it is more advantages to study at home. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Studying overseas could motivate
students
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 inspire their dreams.
However
Linking Words
,
study
Use synonyms
 abroad can bring a positive way on
students
Use synonyms
, there are
also
Linking Words
 many obstacles that they may
faces
Change the verb form
face
show examples
 along the process.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are more advantages to
Use synonyms
study at
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
locals
Replace the word
locally
show examples
. I firmly agree, that
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 abroad
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can bring a large experience toward their dreams and could create networking from anywhere
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
Initially
Linking Words
, local
students
Use synonyms
 in many countries got
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 about living abroad to pursue
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 from social media, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes curious them to take their education
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas. It is explained that the
students
Use synonyms
 saw a lot of benefits
while
Linking Words
learn in
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 overseas.
For example
Linking Words
, the laboratory facilities especially
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 engineering departments
which they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a new stuff generation. It could bring a new invention
particular
Change the adjective
particularly
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
 who
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 forward stuff.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 could be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experts with advanced technology systems education from
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
 where they
study
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, learning in international colleges could spread networking from anywhere worldwide, which can make new friends who have the same passion topics.
For instance
Linking Words
,
civil
Add an article
a civil
show examples
 engineer from Indonesia who wants
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
show examples
 about transportation
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
masters
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 in Industry Engineering at Monash University,
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 he
meeting
Wrong verb form
meets
show examples
 a guy who
experts
Fix the agreement mistake
expert
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 business
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 transportation management.
In addition
Linking Words
, locals who
study
Use synonyms
 overseas can
sharing
Change the verb form
share
be sharing
show examples
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 with their mates as foreign
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
Use synonyms
study in
Correct your spelling
studying
show examples
 overseas
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who want to learn
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
particularly based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 knowledge and
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, learners can adjust their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 towards
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 got in overseas.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction could be more clear and engaging. Consider rephrasing for better clarity and impact. For example, you might want to mention both the benefits and challenges of studying abroad more explicitly in your thesis statement.
Language
Make sure to maintain subject-verb agreement. For example, change 'they may faces' to 'they may face' and 'study abroad have positive way' to 'study abroad has a positive impact'.
Task Achievement
Although your examples are relevant, they could be more elaborated to provide a clear connection to your argument. Try to explain in more detail how each example supports your main point
Task Achievement
You have effectively recognized both sides of the argument regarding study abroad vs studying at home, which shows good critical thinking.
Task Achievement
Your examples relate well to the topic and illustrate the potential benefits of studying abroad effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal growth
  • cultural exposure
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • language acquisition
  • global job market
  • motivation
  • networking opportunities
  • culture shock
  • homesickness
  • academic pressure
  • financial constraints
  • support networks
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: