IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Undoubtedly, there
is
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are
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 no other
ways
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way
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 to avoid having a classmate or a
colleage
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colleague
college
 in our life,
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 look upon competition as something good, others refer to
coorperate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
 with them. As for my perspective, I prefer the latter, the opinions will be thoroughly elaborated as follows. The reason
of
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apply
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why some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is better to be competitive is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 will make
people
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be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more positive to gain what they want.
In other words
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,
people
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 will directly think
their
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about their
show examples
 desire and don't need to care about what other
people
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thinking
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think
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.
For example
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, if students view themselves as
individual
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individuals
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, the only things they think about
is
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are
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 how to get a good grade on the subject which they
prefered
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prefer
, and the
competiton
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competition
 will make them improve
theirselves
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themselves
show examples
. Someone
view
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views
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coorperation
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cooperation
 as a good thing
is
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apply
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because we can learn more
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and be open-minded to accept different opinions,
also
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, if
people
Use synonyms
coorperate
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cooperate
 with other
people
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, they will learn how to combine everyone's
opinion
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opinions
show examples
 from their conversation. Take
myself
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me
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 as an example, there
was
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were
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 a lot of reports to do during my college, some of them
are
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were
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 team works
while
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 others
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 individual
,
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apply
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 when it was
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and we discussed with each
others
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other
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, there were many ideas that had never come to my brain shown up, and we made an excellent report, that would not happen if I did it by myself. In
conclution
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conclusion
, based on the
afordmentioned
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aforementioned
, being cooperative is better than being competitive
due to
Linking Words
 the chance to learn more and be open-minded to other opinions.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both views before stating your opinion. It should also be more cohesive in linking the ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your ideas fully. Some statements can be further developed to provide clearer understanding to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'coorperate' should be 'cooperate', 'knowledges' should be 'knowledge', etc.) These can detract from the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided personal examples, which effectively support your argument about cooperation being beneficial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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