IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today's competitive world, some university
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to explore additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 beyond their primary coursework to gain diverse skills. Others,
however
Linking Words
, argue that focusing solely on core
subjects
Use synonyms
 is essential for academic excellence and career success.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand,
students
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 who study
subjects
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 outside their main field of study benefit from a well-rounded education. Learning additional disciplines enhances critical thinking, adaptability, and problem-solving skills, making
students
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 more versatile in the job market.
For instance
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, an engineering student who takes business or communication courses gains entrepreneurial skills, which may help in future leadership roles.
Moreover
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, cross-disciplinary knowledge fosters innovation, as
students
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 can apply insights from different fields to solve complex problems. A prime example is the rise of tech entrepreneurs who combine coding expertise with business acumen to create successful startups.
On the other hand
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, focusing exclusively on core
subjects
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 allows
students
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 to develop in-depth expertise in their chosen field, which is crucial for specialized careers. Professions
such
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 as medicine, law, and engineering demand a high level of mastery, and distractions from unrelated
subjects
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 could dilute a student's proficiency.
For example
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, a medical student who diverts time to studying economics may struggle with the demanding nature of medical training, potentially affecting their performance.
Additionally
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, university degrees are often structured to provide all the necessary knowledge for a specific career path, making additional
subjects
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 unnecessary in many cases. In my opinion,
while
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 mastering core
subjects
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 is essential, a balanced approach is more beneficial. Universities should encourage
students
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 to explore supplementary courses that complement their primary studies, without overwhelming them.
This
Linking Words
 way,
students
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 can enhance their career prospects
while
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 ensuring academic excellence.

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic. However, ensuring the points are directly linked to the central thesis could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transitions between ideas to improve the flow. Adding words or phrases can guide the reader more clearly through your arguments, strengthening coherence.
task achievement
While your examples were relevant and illustrative, integrating a broader range of examples may enrich the discussion further, showcasing a diverse understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an effective introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
The arguments are well-developed and substantiated with relevant examples, showcasing strong critical thinking skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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