IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefit or more problems?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is stated that being a famous personality has its merits
as well as
Linking Words
 demerits. In my opinion, being a public figure has more disadvantages and the grounds leading to my perception shall be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, being a celebrity
makes
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 an individual's personal
life
Use synonyms
 on the verge of disclosure to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, here in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 common people are very much interested in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of movie stars. They want to know about their daily routine, their family, love affairs and all other parts of personal
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 want to know where they went for vacation, the price of their clothes etcetera. Even special talk shows and interviews are done in which questions from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 are asked
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the stars.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, popular personalities can not lead a normal
life
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as they can not go
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
window shopping or can't enjoy a nice dinner with their family and friends in a restaurant.
Also
Linking Words
, sometimes
due to
Linking Words
rivalries
Add a comma
rivalries,
show examples
 there are security issues.
For example
Linking Words
, Salman Khan a famous
fim
Correct your spelling
film
 star is being threatened by a gang because of a hunting case
as a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
he is not able to go out anywhere without security.
However
Linking Words
, it is seen that sometimes
due to
Linking Words
 a setback in
life
Use synonyms
 or a failure, a celebrity's family is
also
Linking Words
 targeted by the public. These celebrities are always followed by reporters
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 airports, outside their apartments and many other public places.
To conclude
Linking Words
, being a public figure can benefit an individual on
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 basis but his personal space is invaded because everyone is interested to know about their lifestyle and whereabouts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider balancing your arguments. While you mentioned the disadvantages of being a celebrity well, including more benefits or illustrating them in your essay could enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor errors in grammar and spelling, such as 'fim star' instead of 'film star'. This will strengthen your credibility and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between your points to improve flow and connectivity within your essay. Adding more linking phrases would help with coherence.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly sets out your opinion and outlines what will be discussed in the essay, which is great for clarity.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples from India that helped illustrate your points and made the essay relatable, which is effective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public scrutiny
  • paparazzi
  • financial gain
  • brand endorsements
  • lucrative opportunities
  • platform
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • networking
  • influential
  • perks
  • VIP treatment
  • security concerns
  • stalkers
  • public image
What to do next:
Look at other essays: