IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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When the authorities spend a
Use synonyms
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 searching for
oil
Use synonyms
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 think, it is right, because we need
without
Correct pronoun usage
it without
show examples
 it, it
could
Correct your spelling
would
show examples
 not be possible to live and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 items which need
oil
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential to spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
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 to search
Use synonyms
oil
Change preposition
for oil
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 others are opposed
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 and think it is frittering to searching
oil
Use synonyms
. Because, There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a
Use synonyms
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 other
resurces
Correct your spelling
resources
, where
people
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 can manage to use.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views. In the conclusion, I will
clarly
Correct your spelling
clearly
 state my position on
this
Linking Words
 issue. On the one hand, a category of
people
Use synonyms
 claims it is necessary to
searching
Change the verb
search
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
. Because, yet we do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to live without
oil
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 and the
propeties
Correct your spelling
properties
such
Linking Words
 as machine and other everyday items usage
oil
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 are against
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government must spend
money
Use synonyms
 on new
sources
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. Because it could be wasting
money
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.
On the other hand
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,
category
Correct article usage
a category
show examples
 of
people
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 think to maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between searching for
oil
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 and developing new
sources
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, they must spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 modern
sources
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, new
sources
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 will show us modern
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 how to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 and make it more comfortable and take care
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. In conclusion, I think those
people
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,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 must maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways.
Thus
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 they must devote
time
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 and
money
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 as much
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 searching for
oil
Use synonyms
 as for new
sources
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. I believe it will help
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
 to get more advancements for their state and make their country in advance than others.
Also
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 we must get
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been changing, I think very soon the world change the course and
tries
Correct subject-verb agreement
try
show examples
 to use electric cars
for example
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think the authorities must devote
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing new
sources
Use synonyms
 of power,
such
Linking Words
 as wind and solar.

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coherence & cohesion
Ensure proper grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. For instance, phrases like 'money searching for oil' can be rephrased for better understanding.
coherence & cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases such as 'spend a lot of money' and vary your language for a more engaging essay.
task achievement
When discussing both perspectives, ensure to provide a balanced insight with specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You clearly presented two opposing views which is crucial for this type of essay.
coherence & cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, which is essential in IELTS essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
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