There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's fast-paced and highly competitive world, young individuals face mounting pressure to achieve academic excellence.
As a result
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, some argue that non-academic
subjects
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should be eliminated from the curriculum to allow
students
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to focus entirely on traditional academic
disciplines
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.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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notion, as removing
such
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subjects
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would be detrimental to
students
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'
overall
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development and well-being. On one hand, academic
subjects
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undeniably play a crucial role in shaping future career prospects. Mastery of
disciplines
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such
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as mathematics, biology, and literature is often regarded as a gateway to higher
education
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and lucrative job opportunities.
Nevertheless
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, an
education
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system that solely prioritizes academic achievement may come at a significant cost. The relentless emphasis on academic performance can lead to heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and even burnout, ultimately impairing
students
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' ability to retain information and perform optimally. A well-rounded
education
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should not only impart theoretical knowledge but
also
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equip
students
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with essential life skills and coping mechanisms.
Moreover
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, non-academic
subjects
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provide a wide array of benefits that contribute to
students
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' holistic development. Physical
education
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,
for instance
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, not only enhances fitness but
also
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improves cognitive function. Studies have shown that
students
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who engage in regular physical activity tend to perform better in
subjects
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like mathematics and reading
due to
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increased blood circulation to the brain.
Similarly
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, practical
subjects
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such
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as cookery
instill
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instil
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a sense of independence and self-sufficiency, preparing
students
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for adulthood.
For example
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, in many Western countries,
students
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who take home economics classes learn budgeting, meal planning, and nutrition—skills that prove invaluable when they move out of their parents' homes.
Furthermore
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, creative
disciplines
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like music, art, and drama serve as essential emotional outlets, enabling
students
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to express themselves, build self-confidence, and develop resilience in the face of academic pressures. Many renowned entrepreneurs and professionals, including Steve Jobs, have credited their early exposure to the arts for fostering their creativity and problem-solving abilities. These
subjects
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foster personal growth and emotional intelligence, qualities that are equally valuable in the professional world. In conclusion,
while
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academic
subjects
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are undeniably fundamental, eliminating non-academic
disciplines
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from the school curriculum would be a misguided approach. A well-balanced
education
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that integrates both academic and non-academic
subjects
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is essential for nurturing well-rounded individuals who are not only intellectually competent but
also
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physically, emotionally, and socially prepared for future challenges.

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task achievement
While the essay is already very strong, consider adding a few more specific examples or case studies to further strengthen your arguments, especially in the section discussing the benefits of non-academic subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Although your essay is well-structured, a few linking phrases can enhance the flow of ideas even further.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and strong opinion on the topic, effectively addressing the prompt and maintaining focus throughout.
coherence and cohesion
The arguments are well-developed with relevant examples that support your points, showcasing an excellent understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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