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Band 5

Children are now less active in their free time that in the past. Therefore, sports lesson must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
children
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 are less active in their free time compared to the past, and some believe
this
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 is a significant problem. Schools should encourage
students
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 to participate in
sports
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 and provide more physical education lessons.
Sports
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 have been proven to have a positive impact on both mental and physical health.By incorporating more physical activities into the school curriculum,
students
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 can develop healthier habits that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Firstly
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,
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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playing
Wrong verb form
plays
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 a very important role in
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students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 development, and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 social benefits.
For example
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,playing a
sport
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 is a great way for
children
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 to manage emotions and develop self-confidence.
lt
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It
 is proven that words of praise and encouragement from the coach,
parents
Correct word choice
and parents
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 raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
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self-esteem.
Channeling
Change the spelling
Channelling
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 negative emotions can be tough for
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 and a good teacher will help them realize how negative emotional stress could hurt their performance.
Thus
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,
this
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 makes it clear that a
sport
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very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 beneficial to youth providing them a good skills.
Secondly
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,physical and health advantages that kids contribute
while
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 playing
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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.
For instance
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,the
acctive
Correct your spelling
active
 person
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
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 their risk of
obecity
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obesity
 and heart
diseas
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disease
,by regular physical
exercices
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exercise
exercises
.The heart is a muscle,and like other muscles,its performance and
eundarance
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endurance
 when
regulary
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regularly
 challenged with physical
exercice
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exercise
.
Additionally
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,fitness helps
in preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
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 fat to be
accumulated
Wrong verb form
accumulating
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 in the body and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
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 the risk of obesity.
As a result
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, kids gain healthy growth, strong muscles, and better
overall
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 physical development. In conclusion, encouraging
children
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 to participate in
sports
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 is essential for their
overall
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 development.
Sports
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 not only help improve physical health by preventing obesity and heart disease but
also
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 provide important social and emotional benefits. Through regular physical activity,
students
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 can build self-confidence, manage stress, and develop lifelong healthy habits.
Therefore
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, schools should promote
sports
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 and physical education to ensure a healthier and more active future for
children
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.

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coherence
Ensure that there are clear links between ideas to improve flow. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments.
cohesion
Vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance engagement and readability. This can make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Be cautious with spelling and grammar errors as they can distract from your ideas. Proofreading can help catch these issues.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments about the benefits of sports for children's physical and emotional health, which is relevant to the topic.
coherence
You have a strong conclusion that summarizes your main ideas and reinforces the importance of physical education in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical health
  • childhood obesity
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • compulsory
  • curriculum
  • athletic
  • extracurricular
  • concentration
  • logistical challenges
  • financial challenges
  • preventive health measures
  • well-rounded development
  • mandatory participation
  • physical education
  • lifestyle diseases
  • motivation techniques
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