Schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics.

There is a view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
schools concentrate on
education
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
expertise
for instance
Linking Words
resolving issues
together with
Linking Words
matual
Correct your spelling
material
work, rather than
oridinary
Correct your spelling
ordinary
education
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
some people strongly argue in favour, I oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
notion as traditional academics are needed for
future
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family and
life
Use synonyms
before career. On the one hand, there are many profits of school
prioritieses
Correct your spelling
prioritises
priorities
skills
Use synonyms
that can give aid to
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
and
education
Use synonyms
opportunities likely solving problems with teamwork. First
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
first,
Linking Words
these methods can profit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their educational lives. Obvious, learn from each other and
growth
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grow
show examples
,
boosted
Wrong verb form
boost
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productivity
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
improvement
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and improve
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communication.
As a result
Linking Words
, When
students
Use synonyms
find solutions to their own mistakes and work with their colleagues,
life
Use synonyms
becomes more beautiful and perhaps easier.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
method
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methods
Add a comma
methods,
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we need to figure out how to improve teaching
life
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skills
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and
education
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.
Thus
Linking Words
for these all causes, teaching
life
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skills
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
essential.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several benefits of tuition academic
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
,
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
focus on traditional academics, it will assist them to
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
admission
Replace the word
admitted
show examples
to college. At school pupils
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have plenty of time to prepare for university
moreover
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learn new theme which universities
requires
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require
show examples
such
Linking Words
as history, physics, and subjects they need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the world. If
students
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know these or more, these subjects are not a problem for them.
As a result
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
from these faculties will be intelligent and well-educated,
in addition
Linking Words
teaches
Wrong verb form
to teaching
show examples
us to benefit the world. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
the benefits of teamwork
skills
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offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
many profits to
students
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, I consider
honest
Correct pronoun usage
it honest
show examples
that
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
on scholastic performance is more effective the reason is that it
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
for
future
Use synonyms
reference to university admission and
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Try to improve your thesis statement by stating your position more clearly in the introduction. Instead of saying you oppose the notion, specify what you believe is more important.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition'). This will help the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning teamwork, you could talk about specific situations where teamwork is vital.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic which shows your stance effectively, and you provide some points to support your views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your use of paragraphs is commendable; it helps to organize your ideas in a structured manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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