IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Inflation is making everything expensive, from houses to groceries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is commonly believed that saving money is essential for everyone, including
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation, to secure their future. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion, as it enables individuals
reach
Add the particle
to reach
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 financial freedom during their difficult times. In order to buy a new house, a
substancial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 amount of
down-payment
Correct your spelling
down payment
show examples
 is required from
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 personal
funds
Use synonyms
. To give an example of
this
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, in Canada, homebuyers must pay one-fifth of
house's
Correct article usage
the house's
show examples
 cost, which amounts to two hundred thousand dollars for a one-million-dollar house.
According to
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 analysts, these rates are expected to grow each year and raising huge
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
show examples
 of money when required can be challenging.
Thus
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, individuals must save some proportion of their income for their future endeavours.
Furthermore
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, it empowers people to secure their future by allowing them to survive at unpredictable times. Medical treatments are pretty expensive and individuals pay enormous amounts to insurance companies to facilitate their treatments at later stages
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, elders in developed countries have better pensions that allow them to freely spend their money on clothes, goods and food, which
otherwise
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, would make it harder for them, to even survive if they don't have
substancial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 savings in their financial profiles. In conclusion, I believe that people should start to save
funds
Use synonyms
 as early
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 can and
this
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 allows them to reach financial security
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stages of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
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, these saved
funds
Use synonyms
 can be invested into safer mediums like
Mutal
Correct your spelling
mutual funds
show examples
Funds
Use synonyms
 and Stocks that can help to grow their
funds
Use synonyms
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 compounding manner, and
this
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 ensures financial readiness for significant life events like unexpected situations,
in particular
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 health crises
as well as
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 buying a home.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences for clarity. Use connecting phrases to enhance the flow between points.
language accuracy
Ensure subject-verb agreement in phrases such as 'younger generation.' Use 'younger generations.'
task achievement
Provide a clearer explanation or connection between saving for a house and its long-term benefits for overall financial health.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an important topic and expresses a strong opinion clearly.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which enhances the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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