IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to solve traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs and countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that the optimal approach to
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 and transportation
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 is to provoke commuters to move
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the cities.
However
Linking Words
, it may
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
 more
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and overload the public facilities in the city areas. I believe the better methods to solve
traffic
Use synonyms
 and transport
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 are to change the current public transport service in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short
time
Use synonyms
 and construct more
roads
Use synonyms
 in the long run. The effective methods to ease the current commuting problem are to increase
fees
Use synonyms
 and frequencies of public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 during peak hours
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and decrease
fees
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
As
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living cost, many
people
Use synonyms
 complaining about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transport
fees
Use synonyms
. If the
fees
Use synonyms
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 more dynamic,
people
Use synonyms
 can choose their working schedule to suit their needs and avoid busy
time
Use synonyms
 slots.
In addition
Linking Words
, as the public transportation
fees
Use synonyms
 decrease, more
people
Use synonyms
 may shift from driving to work to buses or trains
due to
Linking Words
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of petrol.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 vehicles on the road and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, adding more buses and trains during the peak hours can take more passengers and relieve
traffic
Use synonyms
 pressure even
further
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, changing public services in
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 may only pause the problems in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short period of
time
Use synonyms
. The
traffic
Use synonyms
 problems may be the
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 of lacking
roads
Use synonyms
. In the long term, governments should pave more
roads
Use synonyms
 to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 needs of developing areas. As there are more job opportunities in the cities of developing areas, the population of
region
Add an article
the region
show examples
 will rise gradually.
Thus
Linking Words
, the councils need to plan new
roads
Use synonyms
 and construct them to satisfy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction presents a clear stance, but it could be improved by providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps to set the stage for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally logical, but some sentences could be better linked for smoother transitions. Using more cohesive devices can enhance the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, mentioning specific cities that have successfully implemented similar strategies would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay addresses both short-term and long-term solutions, demonstrating a balanced view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • public transport infrastructure
  • commutes
  • residential density
  • ecological footprint
  • overcrowding
  • urban planning
  • car-sharing
  • traffic management
  • rural preservation
  • transportation policies
  • electric vehicles
  • sustainable living
  • incentivize
  • telecommuting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: