IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram contains a line graph showing the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 and their
parents
Use synonyms
 at Jenny's school owning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 from the
year
Use synonyms
 2002 to the
year
Use synonyms
 2016. It
also
Linking Words
 has a table with data containing the percentage of people owning
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 in the nation during the same time period. At Jenny's school, with each passing
year
Use synonyms
, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 or their
parents
Use synonyms
 having
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 increased with a significant rise observed for
students
Use synonyms
. A similar trend is observed nationally displaying an increase in the usage of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 over a period of time. For the initial years of the 21st century, the use of
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 was limited to
parents
Use synonyms
, with 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 active users among them,
while
Linking Words
 among
students
Use synonyms
 its use was much less .
However
Linking Words
, the next few years recorded the popularity of mobiles among the masses especially among
students
Use synonyms
. Gradual increase was observed for
parents
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, for
students
Use synonyms
 the curve is steep with almost 75 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 and 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 having mobiles till 2016.
On
Change preposition
Along
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar lines, per
cent
Use synonyms
 of citizens owning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 increased from 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to 96 per
cent
Use synonyms
 from the
year
Use synonyms
 2002 to the
year
Use synonyms
 2016 highlighting
nationwide
Correct article usage
the nationwide
show examples
 popularity and use of
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 in these 14 years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, parents, phones, year, cell, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: