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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the impact of social
media
Use synonyms
ads
Use synonyms
 on the number of applicants from different
age
Use synonyms
 groups for Doolittle
University
Use synonyms
. The figure contains two bar charts, one for citizens living within the 100km range of
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 and the other
living
Change preposition
for living
show examples
 beyond. The rise in
overall
Linking Words
applications
Use synonyms
 for the
university
Use synonyms
 highlights the increasing influence of marketing via social
media
Use synonyms
. For the
people
Use synonyms
 living at a distance of less than 100km, after social
media
Use synonyms
ads
Use synonyms
,
applications
Use synonyms
 from all
age
Use synonyms
 groups saw an
increase
Use synonyms
 in the numbers. The maximum
increase
Use synonyms
 was observed for the 40+ range.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, for the
people
Use synonyms
 living at a distance greater than 100km, there was only a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 in applicants for the 40+
age
Use synonyms
 group.
However
Linking Words
, for these citizens, the
age
Use synonyms
 group 18-22 was most influenced by social
media
Use synonyms
 marketing, registering 100 more
applications
Use synonyms
 compared to those received before
ads
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for the
age
Use synonyms
 group 23-39, the trend shows a slight decrease in interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
university
Use synonyms
. The effect of social
media
Use synonyms
ads
Use synonyms
 was more on the residents living far from the
university
Use synonyms
 compared to those living nearby.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
increase
Use synonyms
 in
applications
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 living within 100km was less than 100,
while
Linking Words
 the
university
Use synonyms
 saw more influx for
people
Use synonyms
 residing at greater distances.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words media, ads, age, university, km, applications, people, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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