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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
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The line graph illustrates the percentage of
Japanese’s
Change noun form
Japanese
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 ages begin in 1960 by 3 separated categories: 0-14, 25-64 and 65+,
also
Linking Words
 the prediction by 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data emphasizes a remarkable demographic shift,
combine
Wrong verb form
combined
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 with a
declining
Replace the word
decline
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 in the young
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and mature,
whereas
Linking Words
 the elderly experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
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continuous growth.
Initially
Linking Words
, in 1960, it can be effortlessly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
inferred from the chart that the figure for working-age people stands at 64% and
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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 to fluctuate for the next 40 years.
Although
Linking Words
, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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seemed to peak at 70% in 1970. Familiarly, the proportion of pupils was
also
Linking Words
 in the downward stage
due to
Linking Words
 it was starkly 30% in 1960
then
Linking Words
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 to 20% in the 2000s. After the next 30 years, the percentage of matures will stop shrinking at just under 60% and
expected
Add a missing verb
is expected
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 to start a grow-era.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the account for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 was started at the bottom of the graph, which is 4%. Despite its inconsiderable start, the proportion kept rocketing from year to year. Especially, in
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 years: 1990, 2010,
2040
Correct word choice
and 2040
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, which
stands
Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
show examples
 for 11%, 25% and 37% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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