IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Currently, it is hard to believe daily life without
computers
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, they are
independent
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an independent
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 part of
modern
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the modern
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 world. Some argue that it is time to interact
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with computers
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computers
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computer
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 programs for direct teaching purposes making them primary
tool
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tools
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 in the classrooms.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide
adequate
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an adequate
the adequate
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 conclusion. Throughout centuries numerous breakthroughs have
being
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been
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 made, computer is not
an
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apply
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exception.
Students
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 mostly struggle with books and copybooks, since from
an
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a
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 young age they
being
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are
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 surrounded
with
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by
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 electrical gizmos and traditional instruments of education
seems
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seem
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 to be tough to learn,
outmoded
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and outmoded
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.
Furthermore
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, benefit performance is that opportunities and
amount
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the amount
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 of useful information supplied by
computers
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 are limitless. School student with
computer
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computers
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 has
an
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apply
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access
for
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to
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 any innovative performance in terms of science which broadens
knowledge
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their knowledge
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, passion and motivation to learn new things.
Additionally
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, it originates quickly if
computers
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directly
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are directly
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 deployed into classrooms.
On the other hand
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, relying solely on
computers
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 for education may lead to several drawbacks.
Firstly
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, excessive screen time can negatively impact
students
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’ health, causing issues
such
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 as eye strain and poor posture.
Moreover
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, traditional learning methods, including writing by hand and reading physical books, help develop essential cognitive skills like memory retention and critical thinking. Another concern is that
computers
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 may reduce face-to-face interaction between
students
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 and teachers, which is crucial for building communication skills and teamwork. Without proper guidance,
students
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 might
also
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 struggle with distractions, as access to entertainment and social media could hinder their learning process. In conclusion,
while
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computers
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 offer vast educational resources and modernized learning experiences, they should not completely replace traditional teaching methods. A balanced approach, where technology complements but does not dominate education, seems to be the most effective way to ensure both innovation and fundamental skill development in
students
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.

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language improvement
Consider varying your vocabulary to enhance the richness of your expression. Use synonyms for repeated words and phrases.
language improvement
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical accuracy. Some sentences have minor errors that could detract from the overall quality.
content enhancement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help demonstrate the applicability of your points and strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion.
content
You effectively identify the benefits of using computers in classrooms and acknowledge the potential drawbacks, demonstrating a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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