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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the main migration reasons to and from the United Kingdom in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the main migration reasons to and from the United Kingdom in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the major motive for immigration and emigration in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
definite
Correct article usage
a definite
show examples
job
Use synonyms
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the highest
reasons
Use synonyms
 for both immigration and leaving,
while
Linking Words
 formal
study
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 with no reason stated were the least
reasons
Use synonyms
 for emigration and moving to the country respectively.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The majority of foreigners who are immigrating to the United
Use synonyms
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 are
due to
Linking Words
 definite
job
Use synonyms
 (30%) and 26% formal
study
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 accompanying someone, looking for
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
, other unspecified
reasons
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 with no reason stated, each making up 15% and less. In terms of
people
Use synonyms
 departing the United
Use synonyms
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
,
similarly
Linking Words
 to
people
Use synonyms
 entering, about 29% state their motive as
definite
Add an article
a definite
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, which is closely followed by 22% of individuals searching for employment overseas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with no reason stated, accompany or join a relative, formal
study
Use synonyms
 and other
reasons
Use synonyms
 account for less than 20% each, with
formal
Add an article
the formal
a formal
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 being at the bottom with only 4% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Howevever
Correct your spelling
However
,
while
Linking Words
definite
Correct article usage
a definite
show examples
job
Use synonyms
sum
Correct subject-verb agreement
sums
show examples
 up the main motivation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 immigration and moving
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 from the United
Use synonyms
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage varies in terms of the least
reasons
Use synonyms
 why
people
Use synonyms
 relocate.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kingdom, job, reasons, study, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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