IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give death penalty. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 believe that one way to minimize
crime
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 is to give a death sentence. Others argue that there are other options that can be implemented to lessen a
crime
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 in a society. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
police
officers
Change noun form
officers'
officer's
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 or security
guards
Change noun form
guards'
guard's
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 visibility in
a certain areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain areas
a certain area
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential so that
people
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 will be hesitant to think of any
crime
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. There are two main reasons why the presence of a police officer in an area can reduce
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crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
Firstly
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,
people
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 will be hesitant to make dangerous
move
Fix the agreement mistake
moves
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 if they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
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 a police officers are roaming around. A bank
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example, all their premises are guarded 24 hours (aside from having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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CCTVs). They make sure that no intruders during their watch.
Secondly
Linking Words
, policemen can make a place in order. They conduct public awareness.
Hence
Linking Words
,
crime
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 prevention is better than letting it happen in the future.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
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 argue that regardless
how
Change preposition
of how
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 well-protected and
how
Rephrase
apply
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well-trained our law enforcers
, there
Add a missing verb
are, there
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 are always
people
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 who have bad intentions and motives. Law breakers are everywhere.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
people
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 think that
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty is a better way to control them. In conclusion,
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate can
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
show examples
 in other alternative ways. Death penalty is not the answer to the problem but there are other alternative ways to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured by stating both views in a more balanced manner. Consider explicitly saying that you will present both perspectives before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'a police officer' rather than 'a police officers'.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided. Including more specific examples and elaborating on how they tie to crime reduction would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases to introduce different points, which helps the flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stated in your introduction and a summary of your viewpoint in the conclusion, which is crucial for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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