The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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There is no doubt that these days many
government's
Change noun form
governments
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investment
Replace the word
invest
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in different fields
such
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as arts, music and theatre.
However
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, Several people show that as a waste of budget. At the same time, Others hold the opposite view. The question is, It
is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a waste of funds
?.
Change the punctuation
?
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To be honest, It is
essential
Add an article
an essential
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part of
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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money. In
this
Linking Words
essay, We will discuss
this
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topic. In terms of the positive side, The main reason given to support
this
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claim is that art, Music and theatre play a significant role
to reflect
Change preposition
in reflecting
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the local cultures in many regions around the world. Because it
is express
Wrong verb form
expresses
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their methods in the past or their current habits
such
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as through theatres and music.
Furthermore
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, Numerous authorities
costumize
Correct your spelling
customize
specific incomes to spending in galleries and improve their traditional habits and
attracting
Wrong verb form
attract
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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visitors.
Moreover
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,
This
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step
succeseed
Correct your spelling
succeeded
succeed
in various cities.
For example
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, provided statistics by Harvard University showed the number of Paris's museum visitors. They reached the peak of tourists in 2021 by about 20 million in one year. Highlighting the importance of
promote
Change the verb form
promoting
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these sectors.
In addition
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, A great number of people argued
this
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point for several causes. to illustrate, The public services Inside the country need to
enhance
Wrong verb form
be enhanced
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such
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as the local transport network and main roads. because it is important for citizens to have an
improvement
Replace the word
improved
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service.
For instance
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, The USA is spending 400 million dollars annually to repair the main roads and its train and bus network.
As a result
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, They achieved the highest rate in the most comfortable transportation system around the world.
To sum up
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, It is important to take care of the local museums and art galleries everywhere. Without neglect the public services. I agree with the first paragraph

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task accomplishment
Make sure to clearly outline your position in the introduction and conclusion. Avoid vague phrases like 'to be honest' and provide a clear stance regarding the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more logically between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words to help guide the reader through your argument.
task accomplishment
Revise your example from Harvard University to clearly specify what the statistics indicate about the impact of arts on tourism, and consider adding context for clarity.
example use
You provided a relevant and specific example regarding Paris's museums, which supports your argument and adds credibility to your position.
perspective consideration
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of various perspectives on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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