IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays,more and more women have full-time jobs as men,so there is logic men and women should share the housework tasks equally(like cleaning and looking after children).To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-growing society
men
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 and
women
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 are engaged in full-time jobs so they can
share
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 the
family
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family's
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 financial requirements. At the same
time
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time,
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 there is an argument
of
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about
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 who will take care
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 housework. In my opinion, both should
share
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 their responsibilities like cleaning and looking after
children
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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 I will explain my opinion. Since both
men
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 and
women
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work
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 full-time,
household
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Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 should be shared equally so their
children
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 can learn gender equality. Sharing the housework
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the stress of one
partner
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 who doing it continuously. Mutual respect will be established when the
works
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 are mutually shared at home. When each
partner
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 contributes
work
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 can be finished early and more quality family time can be created.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, from our initial tradition
men
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 go to
work
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 and
women
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 do
household
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Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 so it is in our DNA that
men
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 can't do
household
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work
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 efficiently. Some
couple
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couples
show examples
 agree that use their natural strength
that is
Linking Words
men
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 go to
work
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 and support the family financially
while
Linking Words
women
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 manage housework and look after the
children
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.
In
Change preposition
From
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 another point of view, some full-time working couples
share
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 their
household
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work
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 based on their skills not equally.
For example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
female
Add an article
the female
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partner
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 is cooking, cleaning,
looking
Correct word choice
and looking
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 after
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children
Correct article usage
the children
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their
Change the word
the
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 male
partner
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going
Wrong verb form
goes
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 outside to buy groceries and
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household
Add a missing verb
do household
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 repairs. In conclusion,
women
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 can do all
full-time
Correct article usage
the full-time
show examples
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 which
men
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 can do, so
men
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 should learn and do
household
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Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Couples should
share
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 their
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 equally for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 family environment.
Children
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 grow up watching their parents,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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work
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 equally and they learn equality.

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific examples or explanations. This will help clarify your ideas and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more thoroughly, as you briefly mention the traditional view but do not provide much detail.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking between your ideas to ensure a smoother flow from one point to the next. You can use transitional phrases to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify some phrases that might be confusing, such as 'it is in our DNA that men can't do household work efficiently.' Consider rephrasing for clarity.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in your introduction, which is important for setting the stage for your argument.
task achievement
The idea of teaching children about gender equality through shared responsibilities is a strong point that enhances your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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