IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

How has the contribution of different economic sectors (agriculture, industry, and services) to India’s GDP changed from 1960 to 2000?

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of contribution,in India between 1960 to 2000 among three categories namely: cultivation, industry and services.
Overall
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,in the 1960
years
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years,
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 the highest proportion of contribution was agriculture and the service was the smallest,
while
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 in 2000 agronomics was the lowest among service and industry.
To begin
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 with, the service was stunted in 1960 at just over 10%,after one decade it rose to over 20%,in 1990 it rose sharply to just over 40%,in 2000 It increased sharply, which was noticeable at 60%. To continue with industry, it hasn't changed that much but it has grown gradually,in 1960 nearly 15%,after one decade exactly 20%, after another decade a little higher 20%, no changes in 1990 and 2000s. The
last
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 index was agronomy,in 1960 it was the biggest at 60%.In 1970 it decreased by 10%.In 1990 declined to 30%, and in the 2000’s it dropped to just under 20%.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear overall trend, but it could benefit from a stronger introductory sentence that clearly states what the graph depicts and your main observation early on.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to consistently use proper terminology. Instead of terms like 'agronomics' and 'agronomy,' use 'agriculture.' Additionally, ensure that you maintain clarity in your descriptions of the data.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between your points. Using linking phrases such as 'in contrast' or 'moving on to' would help improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You effectively note the significant trends in the data, particularly the sharp growth of the services sector, which showcases your understanding of the changes over time.
Task Achievement
You have good use of data points, especially noting the percentages, which adds credibility to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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