IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, bacause of pressures of work.What problems does this create for individuals and their families?what solutions can you propose ?which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

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Due to
Linking Words
 workload, individuals have no
time
Use synonyms
 for their own family. It is seen that over
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
becoming
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 materialistic. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore what are the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue and
secondly
Linking Words
, I will explain some potential remedies to address it
along with
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 my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
. There is
a significant evidence
Remove the article
significant evidence
a piece of significant evidence
a shred of significant evidence
show examples
 across
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 world that everyone is running behind
money
Change preposition
in money
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of their inner satisfaction
due to
Linking Words
 inflation. In the first place, the price of rudimentary needs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day because of that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
Use synonyms
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
 more than
an elite multitudes
Correct the article-noun agreement
an elite multitude
elite multitudes
show examples
.
As a result
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, either the head of the family can fulfil their dreams or they can spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their family without worrying about their future.
For example
Linking Words
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living, education, food and many more is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher as compared to the past times.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is hard for individuals to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones. On the other side, there are some sustainable methods that can be adopted to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Financially
Change the word
Financial
show examples
 support given by higher authority can help to reduce the stress of
people
Use synonyms
 in the form of subsidies.
For instance
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should open some programs in which a person who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 income can apply for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aid and get monthly help apart from their own earning. With the money aid multitudes spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and not running for money.
According to
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 my viewpoint,
authority
Add an article
the authority
show examples
 should upgrade wages as per
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 current situation of the market.
By upgrading
Change preposition
Upgrading
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 income,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
not only helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
spend
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a good
time
Use synonyms
 with their family members but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 provides them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 safety that if they work for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours, they are able to do the things that they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 do.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these solutions definitely help
people
Use synonyms
 to combat the issue. In conclusion,
considering
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the problem faced by individuals
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 can be resolved by taking necessary steps
such
Linking Words
 as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 subsidies to poor
people
Use synonyms
 and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing the wage rate.

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the depth of your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one point to the next. Using more linking words or phrases can help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This helps set the reader's expectations appropriately.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by identifying problems and proposing solutions, which is the core requirement of the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the issue and restates your proposed solutions, which is a strong element of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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