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Band 6.5

The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the influence of vaccinations on the frequency of a childhood illness named whooping cough, from 1940 to 1990.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 during the first 15
years
Use synonyms
, the number of the disease incidence was significantly
higer
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higher
campared
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compared
 to the following
years
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, with the increase in vaccinations, the
cases
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 of whooping cough became a very rare phenomenon. Focusing first on the period when the vaccine was
abcent
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absent
, in 1940, the number of ill children was nearly 60,000,
while
Linking Words
 over two
years
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure skyrocketed to the level of 170,000
cases
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.
However
Linking Words
, by 1945, we can see a significant decrease in
this
Linking Words
 proportion to its initial level, with its following increase
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 160,000 to 170,000 by 1955. As for the period when the vaccination started, in 1955, there were
approximatly
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approximately
 90,000
cases
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 reported,
while
Linking Words
 between 1965 and 1970, when over 80% of children were vaccinated, the level of illness fluctuated from 0 to 20,000
cases
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, with its following rise throughout the next 10
years
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 by roughly 40,000 incidents, when only 30% of children received a dose of a vaccine.
Regardig
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Regarding
 the remaining
years
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,
while
Linking Words
 the vaccine was taken by almost over 90% of
child
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the child
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 population, the
desease
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disease
 disappeared.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, cases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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