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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
overall
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health
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 of the population will decline in the
future
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 compared to the present.
While
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 I understand
this
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 concern, I only partly agree with
statement
Correct determiner usage
this statement
show examples
, as there are both worrying trends and promising
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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. On the one hand, several factors suggest that
people
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's
health
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 could deteriorate in the
future
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. Modern lifestyles are becoming increasingly sedentary, with long hours spent in front of screens and minimal physical activity.
In addition
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, the growing popularity of processed foods and fast food has led to rising obesity rates and related
health
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 problems,
such
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 as diabetes and heart disease.
Furthermore
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, mental
health
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 issues are becoming more prevalent
due to
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stree
Correct your spelling
stress
, social isolation, and the pressure of modern life. All of these factors could contribute to poorer
overall
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health
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 in the upcoming years.
On the other hand
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, there are reasons to be optimistic. Medical science is advancing rapidly, offering new treatments and preventive measures for both physical and mental
health
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 conditions. Public awareness about the importance of healthy eating habits, regular exercise, and mental well-being has
also
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 increased. Many governments are implementing policies to promote healthier lifestyles,
such
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 as banning trans fats or
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 activities like running and walking.
For instance
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, a majority of
people
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, nowadays, have adopted healthier practices
such
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 as working
our
Correct your spelling
out
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 daily, consuming healthy foods, and drinking more water, leading to a lower rate of medical emergencies around the world.
Therefore
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, the more individuals become conscious of their diet and lifestyle, the lower their risk of developing illnesses.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are challenges that could negatively impact
health
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 in the
future
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, medical progress and growing awareness may help offset these risks.
Therefore
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, I believe the
overall
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health
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 of
people
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 in the
future
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 could either improve or decline,
deoending
Correct your spelling
depending
 on how society responds to these challenges today.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to back up your points with more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be refined for clarity and better flow, which would enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both the negative and positive aspects of future health trends.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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