IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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The demand for
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
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rising
Wrong verb form
risen
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 significantly over the past decade globally. Some argue that we should explore a new resource in the countryside.
While
Linking Words
 it might be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 the environment, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 will provide more benefits than the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, access to the new energy resource for
oil
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 and
gas
Use synonyms
 in remote
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is beneficial to economic growth significantly. Many countries rely on
oil
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 and
gas
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 to drive
the
Change the word
their
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 business.
For example
Linking Words
, the tourism industry and imported
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 are continuously in the demand
of
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apply
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using fuel for transportation
such
Linking Words
 as
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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.
This
Linking Words
 can help prevent the shortage of fuels and maintain the price.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there will be additional job opportunities
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for people who live far away from the city. In order to source
oil
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 and
gas
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, we definitely need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support from the
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
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.
This
Linking Words
 will help reduce poverty and improve living standards.
However
Linking Words
, the
exploration
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 of remote areas might cause serious problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the environment. Creating a site for drilling
oil
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 and
gas
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 can destroy forests and disturb wildlife
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
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. Many wild creatures will
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 their place to live which will result in a decline in wildlife population.
In addition
Linking Words
, there will be a process of cutting the trees to prepare for a land of
oil
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 and
gas
Use synonyms
exploration
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,
this
Linking Words
 will reduce the
numbers
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number
show examples
 of trees and lead to the climate change issue.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 solution
due to
Linking Words
 the
face
Correct your spelling
fact
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 that
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sustainable energy. Relevant people should find effective ways
such
Linking Words
 as solar to ensure lasting solutions. In
concussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
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,
although
Linking Words
 the
exploration
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 of
oil
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 and
gas
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote areas will be harmful to the environment and a short-term solution, I believe that the advantages of the
exploration
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 play a pivotal role in
support in
Wrong verb form
supporting
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 business demand and creating job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs could be organized more distinctly. Try to separate your points more clearly and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
While you provide some relevant examples, expanding on these examples or providing more specific data could strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific countries or industries more concretely would enhance the clarity of your ideas.
grammatical range and accuracy
Be careful with your vocabulary and phrasing; there were minor inaccuracies that affect the overall quality of your writing. Phrases like 'access to the new energy resource for oil and gas in remote area' could be rephrased for better clarity. Aim for more precise language.
content
You present a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows critical thinking on the topic. Your argument about job creation and economic benefits is particularly strong.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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