The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.
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The chart illustrates the proportion of fat people, divided into two categories men and women, starting from 1980 until 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that both groups are experiencing a rising trend,
also
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, men form the more population than others on the whole.
Additionally
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, focusing on the right side of the chart, it is shown that a big jump from approximately 47 per
cent
Use synonyms
to 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
have been
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
in 20 years,
However
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, after 2000 the statistics
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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slightly decreased.
On the other hand
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, females have reached the summit of only 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
overall
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. Alternatively, the gap between the start and the
last
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period is about 20, which is as same as the first group. In brief,
This
Linking Words
difference has been held equally over the years. To summarise
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, both categories are suffering from a growing trend, in which, after reaching the highest number
about
Change preposition
of about
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70 and 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
, are downgrading or continue likely the
last
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one.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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the statistics have the same differences over periods, it is notable that
according to
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the
last
Linking Words
bars, probably they are going to be
as well as
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each other.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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