IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You found a job opportunity in a foreign country. Write a letter to your friend who knows about the country. In your letter mention the following.  What the nature of your future job is  Why you applied for that job  Ask for details and his/her advice about the country

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Hello Kim I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to let you know I have got a job recently in Dubai,
Besides
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, I want to know more details about the culture there. First of all, as you know I have been
workin
Correct your spelling
working
workin'
 as a seller
shoes
Change preposition
of shoes
show examples
 for a long time,
however
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, I have got a job there as a seller
Change preposition
of clother
show examples
clother
Correct your spelling
clothes
. I am so excited to work there.
Also
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, I was looking for a job opportunity in a different country and
then
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 I found it in Dubai. I remember you have worked there before and you told
it
Correct pronoun usage
me it
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 was the best experience you have ever had,
therefore
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, I would like to try a new experience and a new challenge. And I want to ask you about the weather there and what should I bring with me.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Please can you give some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 about the country and the community there. Keek in touch Dyu

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your letter more clearly by separating the main ideas into distinct paragraphs. For example, introduce the job in one paragraph, your reasons for applying in another, and your questions in a final paragraph.
task response
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar, such as 'sellers shoes' which should be 'shoe seller', and 'clother' which should be 'clothes seller'. This will help improve clarity.
tonality
You demonstrated a friendly tone in your greeting and closing, which is great for a letter to a friend!
expressiveness
Your enthusiasm about the job opportunity comes through clearly, which adds a personal touch to your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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