IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

A
country
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's economic stability relies on the
flow
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 of
money
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.
People
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's demand for
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 varies based on the product's prices.
However
Linking Words
,
product's
Correct article usage
the product's
show examples
 price is
also
Linking Words
 affected by
inflation
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.
Inflation
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 is influenced by
money
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flow
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
,
import
Fix the agreement mistake
imports
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 and exports. Yet the
flow
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 in
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 depends on how
people
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 spend their
money
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. It is a chain where each
factors
Change to a singular noun
factor
show examples
 depends on one another.
People
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 spending
money
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 to buy certain
products
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 or services puts the
money
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 into usage. Their
money
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 spent
conitnues
Correct your spelling
continues
 to
flow
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 in the current and aggressively falls onto the retailer or the wholesaler's hand.
Then
Linking Words
, the government increases their level of tax
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the retailers because more
people
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 are buying
products
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 and spending.
This
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 ultimately lowers
inflation
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expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 and
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
create
surge
Correct article usage
a surge
show examples
 in demand. Why? Because
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 the
inflation
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 is
lesser
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 the price of the
products
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is beneficial for the government and the
country
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's
economy
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, increasing tax
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and lowering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation
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.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is better if
people
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 were to save
money
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, there are indeed
strand
Fix the agreement mistake
strands
show examples
 of truth in it. Saving
money
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 limits citizens to spend their fortunes on temporary wants. It saves you from overspending your wages on useless experiences, training you to be able to plan your
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 and budgets more efficiently, having
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and entering
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 world
while
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 sustaining yourself financially. No temporary wants fulfilled. Yet, arguably 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 business market depends on short-term usages which are not to be identified as "Needs in everyday life". These can include
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
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 industry, fast food, specific
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
,
acessories
Correct your spelling
accessories
 and even glass wears.
Such
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 items are intriguing
however
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, not entirely useful to sustain normal life. Yet, in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
world
Add a comma
world,
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 almost over 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of an average
country
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's GDP relies on those
setors
Correct your spelling
sectors
 so it would be unreasonable to
abonden
Correct your spelling
abandon
 the whole
markets
Fix the agreement mistake
market
show examples
. I wholeheartedly believe
that is
Linking Words
 it better for
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
economy
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is
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
people
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 were to spend more
money
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. In order to do
this
Linking Words
, the government can implement strategies
such
Linking Words
 as supporting start-up businesses, importing
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
products
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 to offer customers
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of options,
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 public promotions and adding
people
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's wages to encourage them to buy more,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
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 more.
This
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 can
further
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 benefit them back by fastening
money
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 current, exploiting business owners, increasing
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 and lowering
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
inflation
Use synonyms
, allowing the
country
Use synonyms
 to
ohave
Correct your spelling
have
 better economic planning,
upgrade
Correct word choice
and upgrade
show examples
 their exports and imports, ultimately
contirbuting
Correct your spelling
contributing
 to
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 stable
economy
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your thesis. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points about spending and saving money. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors, as these can detract from the overall clarity of your argument. For instance, "creats" should be "creates" and "acessories" should be "accessories."
task achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Your conclusion offers a clear opinion, which helps to consolidate your argument for the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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