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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Youngers behaviour and attitude are sometimes effected by other persons at the same age , known as peer group pressure. What the advantages and disadvantages ?

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Youngers
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Younger
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 behaviour and attitude are sometimes
effected
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affected
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 by other persons
at
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of
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 the same age , known as peer group pressure. I believe that peers can motivate each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 in some ways. In the forthcoming
essay
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essay,
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 both
advantages
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the advantages
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 and disadvantages of
this
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 statement shall be discussed.
In
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On
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 one hand, I believe that peers can affect on behaviour and attitude of their friends of the same age
specially
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especially
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in
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apply
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teenagers. It is because they are in the
sensetive
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sensitive
 period which is
mature
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a mature
the mature
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 phase. They are more in touch with them than their families , even on
the
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apply
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social media . It can be beneficial because they
persuide
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persuade
 their
freinds
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friends
 to engage in some groups
such
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 as sport, art ,
science
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and science
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 .
In addition
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, having lenient parents
are
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is
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anothere
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another
 reason for
this
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 phenomenon. They let them
to
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apply
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be in society and it makes them more
extrovert
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extroverted
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 and more self-confident.
On the other hand
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, parents play an important role in
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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 life.
Thesedays
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These days
, fathers and mothers are more overprotective than past. They will not allow their children to have
relationship
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relationships
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 with anyone. It is good because if their children get
aquainted
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acquainted
to
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with
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 bad
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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, they
would
Wrong verb form
will be
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 stuck
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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danger .
Furthermore
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 ,
vilonces
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violence
 and crimes always start with a wrong
freind
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friend
 and they will go
to
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apply
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the bad way. In conclusion,
although
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 peer group pressure has some bad
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
in
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on
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 the life of young people , I believe that motivating in the
beneficail
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 path is the advantage of
this
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 group. So, the advantages of
this
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 issue outweigh the disadvantages .

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task achievement
Expand on the points introduced, providing more detailed explanations and examples to fully support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph and maintain a strong logical flow between ideas.
task achievement
You have introduced the topic clearly and presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates awareness of the topic and your arguments are relevant to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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