IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is government ‘s responsibility to transport children to school, while others think parents should get their children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about whether
governments
Use synonyms
 have duties to send
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 every day. Some people believe that transporting
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 is the
parents
Use synonyms
’ task. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the responsibilities of
governments
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 will be discussed.
Governments
Use synonyms
 should manage to send young
children
Use synonyms
 to
schools
Use synonyms
 because they are responsible for the
education
Use synonyms
 of the public. In many countries, the legislation states that
children
Use synonyms
 should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compulsory
education
Use synonyms
 courses from a certain age to obtain minimum literacy and numeracy skills. To ensure the implementation of the law,
governments
Use synonyms
 should take specific actions
on supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 child
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
, which means
governments
Use synonyms
 should
delivery
Replace the word
deliver
show examples
 students to the
schools
Use synonyms
 rather than
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the
parents
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 from rural areas struggle to study in
schools
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of public facilities and
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. If
governments
Use synonyms
 are unable to transport them to
schools
Use synonyms
, they will lose the educational opportunity.
However
Linking Words
, many people argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the primary
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 they are obliged to take their
children
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 daily basis. Many young
children
Use synonyms
 experience emotional challenges in the first year of schooling. If the
parents
Use synonyms
 consistently send their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
, it shows a positive attitude towards
education
Use synonyms
 and helps
children
Use synonyms
 to understand the necessity of schooling.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the
parents
Use synonyms
 do not get their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 may feel less motivated and skip
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In summary, both
governments
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 have responsibilities to ensure the
education
Use synonyms
 of the younger generation. I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take more
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
 as some families may not be able to send their
children
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. For instance, you could discuss specific government programs that provide transportation or highlight statistics about children’s attendance in rural areas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Signposting phrases can help guide the reader through your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by clearly summarizing the main arguments presented in the body of the essay.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction does a good job of outlining what the essay will discuss, giving the reader a clear expectation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: