IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves?

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In recent years,
due to
Linking Words
 hectic schedules, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to pay someone else to do
things
Use synonyms
 for them,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they do not like to do or do not have enough time to complete it. I think
this
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 development is beneficial for individuals, which I will explain with related examples and
also
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 mention that sometimes it is necessary for
people
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 to do some
things
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 by themselves in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons that can be considered to support that giving
work
Use synonyms
 to others is helpful. First and foremost, one can balance their
work
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 and personal life.
As a result
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, they feel relaxed and keep focused on their professional or personal
work
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.
For instance
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, after working hours a mother can spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
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quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time with her kids
because of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing household chores to house helps.
Furthermore
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, offering paid
work
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 to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 can be helpful to reduce
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
 rate in the country. To illustrate, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 50% of
people
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 are able to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 needs because of working for other individuals.
However
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, sometimes
people
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 have to do their
work
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 by themselves to get benefits. One can gain knowledge and enhance their skills by doing their
things
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 on their own.
Additionally
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, it is
also
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 beneficial for humans to keep their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 fit and healthy by completing household
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 ourselves.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can
also
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 get
self satisfaction
Add a hyphen
self-satisfaction
show examples
 by doing their
work
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 or
things
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 by themselves.
To conclude
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, technically it is a wise decision to give some
work
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 or
things
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 to others for completion in today’s busy life.
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Whereas
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, sometimes it is
also
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 vital for individuals to
work
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 independently
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 active.

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations and examples. While your ideas are clear, providing more depth will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'providing household chores to house helps' could be rephrased for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your conclusions directly tie back to your introduction. This will help create a stronger logical flow in your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and develops the argument well with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and they effectively summarize your main ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
What to do next:
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