IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of your friend lives in another country. You want to spend time working in that country. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter, you should: •describe why you want to work in that country; •tell him/her about your skills and experience; •ask some questions related to work (wage, salary)

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Dear Sim, I hope you are doing great. I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to express my interest in working in the country where you are living. It's been ages since we met. I hardly remember
that
Correct word choice
when

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 we met
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 time
on
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 my 18th birthday party. After that, you moved to
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I just finished my bachelor's in healthcare
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 year and I am planning to move
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 work in
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As you know, in
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 job opportunities are far better than in India in
health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 sector. I applied for some jobs in my city unfortunately they don't hire any fresher
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 references
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 very important to get a job in my City.I want to get help from you to get some information on jobs. I have 1 year of experience as a volunteer in the hospital which can help me to get better opportunities. Can you please provide me
the
Add the preposition
with the

It appears that you are missing a preposition with the verb provide. Consider adding the preposition.

show examples
 details of how the job process works in
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

? Because I don't have many details about the salary and working hours. In future, if I am moving to
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 I will be available for 24 hours to work. Why I am sharing these important points with is because you are the only one whom I know in
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I know very well that you will never guide me in the wrong direction. So, please let me know if it is a good option to move
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Canada
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for a better future so that I will become financially independent. Hope to see to soon. Looking forward to hearing back from you. Warm Regards, Sam

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coherence and cohesion
Try to better organize your ideas into separate paragraphs. For example, discuss your motivations in one paragraph and your skills in another. Also, clearly separate your questions about the job process into their own segment.
task achievement
Add a bit more detail about the specific skills and experiences that make you a good candidate for the jobs you're interested in. This will strengthen your response about your qualifications.
positive
Your letter has an appropriate greeting and closing, which sets a friendly tone. Also, your enthusiasm about working in Canada is clearly conveyed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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