IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Road
Use synonyms
 safety is a primary right of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens. With the increase in accidents worldwide, it has become a global concern.
Although
Linking Words
 a plethora of steps
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been taken to alleviate the mishaps, the number of casualties has not declined yet.
Hence
Linking Words
, I disagree with the above statement as I believe there are other things to be considered for decreasing
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of accidents.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
drivers
Use synonyms
 are not the only ones to be blamed
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these casualties, highway
conditions
Use synonyms
 are equally responsible. Especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries where the roads are still not solid enough to face high weather
conditions
Use synonyms
 or
heavy
Correct article usage
the heavy
show examples
 weight of vehicles.
For example
Linking Words
, an Indian girl died because she could not see the pothole on the
road
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the construction companies are witty enough to earn loads of money by building poor bridges and roads.
For instance
Linking Words
, a newly built bridge
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 off as it was not able to handle the weight,
this
Linking Words
made
Verb problem
caused
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of people injured too.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
conditions
Use synonyms
 of vehicles are essentially important.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in
Bangladesh
Add a comma
Bangladesh,
show examples
 there are a lot of old buses running
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 25 years
Correct pronoun usage
that got
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 stuck on the highway and
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to face the consequences. Governments should take mandatory actions and
instead
Linking Words
 of just punishing
drivers
Use synonyms
, they should concentrate on repairing or buying new buses which will result in
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sector.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of towns and villages, where there is no electricity
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
arouses a problem for the
drivers
Use synonyms
 to commute.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 not always
drivers
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the several factors which are heavily responsible for the
road
Use synonyms
 mishaps.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should introduce new rules for construction companies and improve the
road
Use synonyms
conditions
Use synonyms
 of villages and towns, especially in developing countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument against the idea that stricter punishments alone can improve road safety. However, it could benefit from a more developed counter-argument to enhance depth.
coherence and cohesion
Consider strengthening your introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic—something like 'I believe that while stricter punishments might have some effect, they are not the only solution.' This would clarify your stance right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments and indicate the relationship between different points.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences contain grammatical errors (e.g., 'this made alot of people injured too.'), which might distract the reader. Proofreading your work can help catch these issues before submission.
task achievement
You introduce relevant points about the causes of road safety issues, including road conditions and vehicle maintenance, which contribute to a comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
You provide real-world examples to support your points, such as the situations in India and Bangladesh, which adds credibility to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • reckless driving
  • penalties
  • responsibility
  • cultural shift
  • safe driving habits
  • points system
  • repeat offenders
  • public safety
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • environmental factors
  • poor road conditions
  • inadequate signage
  • infrastructure
  • multifaceted approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: