IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is believed that
music
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 can play an important role in connecting individuals of different cultures and ages.
Although
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 art, especially the
music
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 industry, is an international language that can be appreciated by various
people
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 of different ages and attitudes, I do not really believe that it can always be true. Through
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I am trying to prove why is that so. On the one hand, it is claimed that
people
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 can easily feel attached to each other only by means of
music
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, no matter how old they are or which country and
culture
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 they come from.
That is
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,
music
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 is inevitably a non-verbal way to connect any soul or mind together.
For instance
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, when listening to a world-famous masterpiece whether it is a sonata from Beethoven or a rhythmic Kamanche playing by Kalhor, you suddenly find yourself drowned deeply in their world of art disregarding your
culture
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 or
age
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.
In other words
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, it is an instinctual common urge in humans to comprehend the artistic language of
music
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.
However
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, it can only be true about some unparalleled pieces of
music
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 in history and not all types of
music
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 can seem appealing to every individual.
On the other hand
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, it is important to consider that there is no limitation in the
music
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 industry and we have enormous different pieces of
music
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 and songs designated for different
age
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 ranges and different cultures. As an example, Rap and R&B are some types of
music
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 which is more convenient for the youth and I have barely seen an elderly enjoying a loud bustling song like those. What is more, there are some Indigenous instruments with bizarre sounds which seem so fabulous to
people
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 from that region and
culture
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, as they can contradictorily sound awkward and unbearable for
people
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 from other nations. In conclusion,
music
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 is definitely a good way of gathering different
people
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 of any
age
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 and
culture
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 together
due to
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 the fact that it is an inherent trait in humans to appreciate that.
However
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, having said that
,
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apply
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 not all types of
music
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 are appropriate and enjoyable for different ages and cultures because of the fact that it can be too strange and boring for their
culture
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 or
age
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.

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task response
Your introduction presents your main argument, but it could be clearer. Consider stating your position more directly in the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly between paragraphs. Adding transitional phrases could help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
While you have given specific examples, consider explaining them further to enhance their relevance to your arguments.
task response
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strength in your essay.
task response
Your use of examples from different music genres and cultures is commendable and shows your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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