IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, higher
education
Use synonyms
 has received increasing attention in relation to individuals’ future development. Some argue that studying at universities is the key to
promising
Correct article usage
a promising
show examples
 future,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the working
experience
Use synonyms
 is more important than the degree. The argument in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of attending tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 is that it can equip students with higher competitiveness in today’s job market. Specifically, universities provide individuals with opportunities to get access to structured knowledge, valuable learning resources, and practical experiments, all of which are key elements that employers pay attention to. Without a higher
education
Use synonyms
 certification, individuals who want to work in law, financial or medical professions may not even be able to secure an interview.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the college learning
experience
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 offers them chances to build professional networks. Lecturers or tutors are often the experts in their respective
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. When students participate in classes regularly and demonstrate academic engagement, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 establish connections with their teachers, which are valuable resources for their career advancement.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, many people believe that gaining work
experience
Use synonyms
 straight after school offers more practical advantages for career development
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Firstly
Linking Words
, it helps them to strengthen and develop their practical skills faster. The working environment exposes individuals to real-life situations where they can not only apply their knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 deal with complex, practical issues, thereby deepening their hands-on
experience
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 and maintenance field, the problems that workers face are far more complex and
variety
Replace the word
varied
show examples
 than
textbook
Correct article usage
the textbook
show examples
 described, which highlights the importance of the working
experience
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, participating in the workplace earlier enhances individuals’ awareness of industry dynamics.
This
Linking Words
 early exposure often means that they are among the first to notice emerging trends and developments, giving them a competitive edge over university students. In my opinion, I believe whether attending university or the workplace directly after school is primarily based on
individuals’
Fix the agreement mistake
individual’
show examples
 career development. If they aspire to skill-oriented professions
such
Linking Words
 as sales, it is more important for them
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to accumulate
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, for people who want to work in a knowledge-based,
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 is key to success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed. Some points could be further elaborated for more depth, especially the contrast between the two perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding transition words or phrases to improve the flow between points. This can create a smoother reading experience.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the conclusion by summarizing both sides of the argument explicitly before stating your personal opinion. This can help reinforce the overall message of the essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and both views effectively, setting a good context for the discussion.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and support the main points made in the essay, demonstrating good analytical skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: