IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many different types of music in the world today.

There are many types of
music
Use synonyms
 in the world
according to
Linking Words
historian
Fix the agreement mistake
historians
show examples
 factors of
music
Use synonyms
styles
Fix the agreement mistake
style
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 formation and development
according to
Linking Words
 climate,
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 aspects, purpose of
music
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 maturity level.
For example
Linking Words
, the African low
culture
Use synonyms
 countries more like RAP and wild tribes
music
Use synonyms
, and
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, countries with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
culture
Use synonyms
 with reach international collaboration
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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likes
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 classic
music
Use synonyms
, rock and jazz, and other most modern styles and substyles. Why do we need
music
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? From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 not all of us need
music
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 for mood harmonization,
someone
Use synonyms
 for health,
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
and someone
show examples
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 as a doping for
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities:
due to
Linking Words
 harmonization between heart rhythm and song rhythm.
Someone
Use synonyms
 needs
absolutely
Change the adverb
absolute
show examples
 silence for job concentration, for having a rest from people collaborations, for
healthy improving
Replace the word
health improvement
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 after
war
Add an article
the war
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, air warnings and so on Is the traditional
music
Use synonyms
 of a country more important than the International
music
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 heard everywhere nowadays? I guess the traditional domestic
music
Use synonyms
 of a country
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important for local
culture
Use synonyms
 saving,
improving
Correct word choice
and improving
show examples
. But each
culture
Use synonyms
 needs to
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 population migrations, international collaborations,
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 changes and social
networks
Change the noun form
network
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 trends. As an additional
argument
Add a comma
argument,
show examples
 I guess that
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 of a country
absolutely
Add a missing verb
is absolutely
show examples
 important as a part of the domestic population`s
defense
Change the spelling
defence
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 from hybrids war, where
music
Use synonyms
 it’s a part
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 the propagandistic tool, which
enemy
Correct article usage
the enemy
show examples
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
 for thinking changing before occupations, for domestic populations loyalty. In
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 only traditional
music
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 as a part of internal patriotism tool can help to union population in the fight
with
Change preposition
against
show examples
 external and internal enemies

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are linked together with appropriate transition words.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction with a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Provide more relevant examples to support your claims. For instance, when discussing the role of music in health or sports, illustrate your point with specific studies or anecdotes.
Content
You present an interesting perspective on the different needs for music among individuals, which shows thoughtfulness and reflection.
Content
Your essay addresses multiple aspects of music, from cultural significance to personal necessity, indicating a broad understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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