IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, the method to improve the
safety
Use synonyms
 of roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. It is a positive development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will justify perspectives before presenting my opinion. Not only is the
safety
Use synonyms
 of our roads by giving stricter punishments but it
also
Linking Words
 maintains discipline and reduces the number of traffic offences and accidents. Because
drivers
Use synonyms
 are aware of severe penalties, they may think twice before engaging in unsafe driving
such
Linking Words
 as speeding.
For example
Linking Words
, during parties and festivals,
drivers
Use synonyms
 drink and drive fast breaking the rules of the roads. Had these
safety
Use synonyms
 procedures not existed,
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 would have been decreasing day by day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, repeat offenders face increasingly severe penalties.
This
Linking Words
 system could help target habitual offenders who consistently endanger public
safety
Use synonyms
. Moving ahead, it is equally important to focus on education and awareness campaigns to improve
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
. Scarcely teaching
drivers
Use synonyms
 about the consequences of unsafe driving and the importance of
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 can lead to long-lasting behavioural changes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, environmental factors
such
Linking Words
 as poor
road
Use synonyms
 conditions, inadequate signage, and lack of proper infrastructure can
also
Linking Words
 significantly enhance
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, stricter punishments alone may not be effective if the driving environment is hazardous.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 focus on education and awareness campaigns is
also
Linking Words
 important. Not only does a combination of both improve
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 but, it
also
Linking Words
 educates
drivers
Use synonyms
 about the rules and penalties for repeat offenders.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a multifaceted approach is necessary.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by more explicitly stating your position. A simple rephrasing of the thesis statement can help clarify whether you fully agree or find partial agreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, while you provide good points, they may benefit from clearer topic sentences. This can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion introduces new elements (like education and awareness) that aren't fully explored in the body paragraphs. Try to summarize only the points you discussed to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both punishments and the importance of education in road safety, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the party and festival scenario, effectively illustrate a point about risky driving behavior.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • reckless driving
  • penalties
  • responsibility
  • cultural shift
  • safe driving habits
  • points system
  • repeat offenders
  • public safety
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • environmental factors
  • poor road conditions
  • inadequate signage
  • infrastructure
  • multifaceted approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: