IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do? Or do you feel children have enough education at school? Give reasons for your answer and include any

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Nowadays, a vast majority of parents arrange additional
classes
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 for their
children
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 after
school
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 and on holidays. It is undeniable that extra lessons have become an essential part of education, and it is important to have more
exercises
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exercise
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, but other
kids
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 who never participated
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such
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in such
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classes
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 get higher accomplishments and become successful. A commonly held belief is that studying more is
challenging
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a challenging
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 experience for youngsters
,
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apply
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 since they contribute more focus and energy to do that.
Consequently
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, with the over-time lessons
kids
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 illustrate high
results
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 and they boost significant skills even if it is time-consuming. It could be explained by the fact that researchers did some survey, dividing
children
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 into two groups, where the first one had additional
classes
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 apart from
school
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 and the second one had just only
study
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studied
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 in
school
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, no more than that.
As a result
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, it led to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 younger generation in
first
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the first
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 group
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 the best
results
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while
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 the other group got
an
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apply
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average scores.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that over-studying
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not the best approach to stimulate
children
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 for good
results
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, because not all pupils presented good achievements with extra courses.
That is
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 why not all approaches can be applied
for
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to
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school
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kids
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 as they are unique in
the
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their
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 teaching methods, and some
kids
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 show good marks
in
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on
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 the
school
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 test, not attending more
classes
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.
For instance
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, there are many youngsters who had resulted an excel scores without any extra courses
,
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apply
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 and graduated
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school
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from school
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 with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 GPA.
Also
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, present geniuses who had created big companies or
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 CEOs, in
school
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, they never had special
classes
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, just being normal
kid
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kids
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.
Therefore
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, imposed additional
classes
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 are not considered as the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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way to get
hig
Correct your spelling
high
 scores. In conclusion, high numbers of parents choose
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
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classes
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,
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apply
show examples
 and believe that
such
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 lessons increase remarkably marks,
while
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 young students demonstrate competitive
results
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 as well, not getting additional study. In my opinion,
children
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 in
school
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 have sufficient knowledge to get good
results
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 in
school
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 and they are not necessities in
such
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method
Correct article usage
a method
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a general overview but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly answers the question. Try to state your opinion explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
While you have organized your essay into paragraphs, the connection between some ideas is not always clear. Use linking words to improve flow and guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and persuasive. For instance, providing more details on the survey or examples of successful individuals can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your perspective effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reinforce learning
  • personalized attention
  • student-to-teacher ratios
  • comprehensive coverage
  • academic and non-academic subjects
  • well-rounded development
  • address specific weaknesses
  • grade improvement
  • performance in exams
  • leisure time
  • burnout
  • educational opportunities
  • socio-economic disparity
  • over-scheduling
  • balanced approach
  • after-school programs
  • weekend tutoring
  • additional practice
  • constructive criticism
  • holistic growth
What to do next:
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