IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the number of shooting massacres is on the rise because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Terrible events,
such
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 as shooting massacres, continue rising because of the lack of gun safety measures. In some countries, the government allow citizens to keep weapons as a form of safety precaution;
hence
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, the
major part
Correct your spelling
majority
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 of the population is a gun owner.
Therefore
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, it is easier in those States
getting
Change the verb form
to get
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 hold of dangerous objects and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 them for
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 reasons. I firmly believe that the normal citizen should not have access to
such
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 power and,
consequently
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,
this
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 concession should be revoked. Just in the
last
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 year, the number of shooting massacres has been
incr
Correct your spelling
in
 easing, the shooters
beign
Correct your spelling
are
 mostly
americans
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Americans
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, who are the only ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not require a license to obtain them. Even if the constitution granted
this
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 right as a safety precaution, in
reality
Add the comma(s)
reality,
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 they are mostly used for breaking the law, using them for robberies and murders.
In addition
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, children are able to reach them when they are not hidden well enough, causing atrocities
such
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 as
unvoluntary
Correct your spelling
involuntary
 homicides or planned school shootings.
For example
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, one of the worst
event
Change to a plural noun
events
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 of the decade was the mass shooting that took place in an elementary school, leading to the death of dozens of children. Being
such
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 an important matter and a rising problem, the president of the USA should provide new regulations.
While
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 it is not necessary to completely ban them, it would be an improvement having to satisfy some requirements to access them.
Also
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, more controls should take place, to keep track of owners, making sure that they act rightfully and that they have hidden their weapons from unauthorized ones. Summarizing, it is easy in some countries to get hold of destructive objects, that can be used to hurt the population.
As a consequence
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, stricter control and new laws should take place.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer links between your points and the main argument. For example, explicitly connect how your examples support your view on gun ownership and safety.
task achievement
Expand on your points a bit more to provide a more rounded view of the arguments both for and against gun ownership. This would enrich your essay and address the prompt more completely.
task achievement
The essay clearly expresses a personal belief regarding gun ownership and safety, which provides a strong stance on the topic.
relevant specific examples
Several relevant examples, such as school shootings, are used effectively to underline the dangers of gun ownership.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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