IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? RM4

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In today’s competitive market,
businesses
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 frequently emphasize that their
products
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 are new in some way.
This
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 strategy
aims
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aims to
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 gain consumer interest, differentiate from competitors, and meet the growing demand for
innovation
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.
While
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this
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 approach has advantages, it
also
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 raises concerns. One reason companies promote like new is to influence consumer choices. Many people believe that new
products
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 are better and more efficient, so they are more likely to buy things that look
like
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apply
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new.
This
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 helps
businesses
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 boost sales and generate excitement about their
products
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. A study found that 70% of consumers are more likely to buy
products
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 marked as "new." A positive effect of
this
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 strategy is that it encourages
innovation
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. Companies invest in research and development to improve their
products
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, making them more useful and efficient.
This
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 benefits consumers and
also
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 helps the economy grow by increasing competition. Research at Alabama University shows that
businesses
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 focused on
innovation
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 see a 60% rise in customer satisfaction. Another problem is that focusing on new
products
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 can make older items seem outdated and less valuable.
As a result
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, people may feel they need to replace their perfectly good
products
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, even though there is nothing wrong with them.
This
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 encourages unnecessary spending and can make people feel unsatisfied with what they already have. In conclusion,
businesses
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 emphasize newness to attract customers and encourage
innovation
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.
However
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,
this
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 approach can
also
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 lead to misleading advertising and environmental problems. The
overall
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 impact depends on how responsibly companies promote their 
products
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the main topic and outlines the points you will discuss. However, consider adding a specific thesis statement that clearly indicates your opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. This will help improve the overall logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
While your use of examples is helpful, try to provide a wider variety of relevant examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your claims.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using transition words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide readers through your essay more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasoning for your points, such as consumer behavior and the impact on innovation, strengthening your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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