IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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Children are like clay others can mold them in any direction. Younger age is the best time to learn new things and clear the difference between good and bad. There are multifarious ways to improve their personality and make a perfect soul in
this
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 world. I think punishment is not a good way to teach them correctly. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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competely
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with
this
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 statement and will explain my viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs. To commence, the parent's direction and support are highly matter to clear the youth's doubt. Because a child always prefers to follow the directions which set by their
gurdiance
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guidance
guardians
guardian
. It is a precious and wonderful step for their children's bright future.
Moreover
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, we can not deny positive rewards to modify
juvenile's
Change noun form
juvenile
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 behaviour.
For example
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, a child makes a lot of effort to achieve his target goals when his parents set one prize
such
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 as candies, juices, and chocolate bars.
Afterthat
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After that
, pocket money is
also
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 very beneficial for a youngster to gain knowledge about what is right and wrong about distinct topics.
In other words
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, a baby will try to search more and solve any conflict within
less
Fix the agreement mistake
a shorter
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 time period when he knows he would
recieve
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receive
 bounces
along with
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 monthly money after solving something new.
Furthermore
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, punishment always gives birth to
aggressive
Correct article usage
the aggressive
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 and
aggitative
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agitative
 nature of teenagers. It becomes a child stubborn and
un co-operative
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unco-operative
show examples
. Children show more interest
to learn
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in learning
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things quickly and effectively if they know,
their
Correct word choice
that their
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 parents
would be
Wrong verb form
will
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 praise them in front of their relatives and friends. It is a meaningful and very easy step towards
change
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changing
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 their point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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.
To conclude
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, whole life is a journey and we grasp knowledge at every step. Undoubtedly, it is impossible without perfect guidance, pathways, and motivation.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, but try to refine your thesis statement to make your stance more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'competely' should be 'completely' and 'gurdiance' should be 'guidance'.
coherence and cohesion
Consider strengthening the link between your ideas. You can use more transition words to improve flow between your paragraphs.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you stick to it throughout the essay, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples to support your points, such as rewards and the effects of punishment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • positive reinforcement
  • natural consequences
  • constructive punishment
  • punitive measures
  • psychological effects
  • self-esteem
  • aggression
  • anxiety
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • logical consequences
  • discipline
  • affection
  • internalize
  • modeling moral behavior
  • collaborative activities
  • ethical dilemmas
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