IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

A lot of people spend a major part of their adult life at work, so job satisfaction is very important for individual happiness. What are the main factors that contribute to job satisfaction? What are the possible solutions for people who are unsatisfied with their jobs?

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Introduction
Some individuals believe that many
people
Use synonyms
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 part of life at
work
Use synonyms
 as grown
people
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 from your profession
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is important for
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 happiness. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe, why it is necessary to get
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 from
work
Use synonyms
for
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 do not think that you are wasting time.
Body paragraph 1
A lot of individuals
stressed
Add a missing verb
are stressed
show examples
 with their
job
Use synonyms
 and get depression
as a result
Linking Words
.
Hence
Linking Words
 the pressure of parents or any other factors,
people
Use synonyms
 regularly make
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 when they are choosing
profession
Add an article
a profession
show examples
 for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future
job
Use synonyms
. The solution is for the workers to make
financial
Add an article
a financial
the financial
show examples
 cushion to change
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, which would have more workers in their right positions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 effectively.
Body paragraph 2
Cause
Correct article usage
The cause
show examples
 of the problem is that
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 do not believe
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 themselves
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right place. With time, they are getting upset with their decision about
work
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 they are staying at the same level. Life doesn’t bring
satisfaction
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 for these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. The way forward could be to teach
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation when they
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
profession
Add an article
a profession
the profession
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
’s
dissatisfaction
Replace the word
dissatisfied
show examples
 with their
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 due
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
 reasons
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 pressure,uncertainty and fear that nothing will
work
Use synonyms
 out. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the problem lies with the government and parents. They are responsible for
Add an article
the decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 starting their way to find
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 and get
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 from it.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity and relevance of your points. Make sure each paragraph directly addresses the question prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will strengthen your main points and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and provided your views, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your response.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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