IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Due to growth of population many people live in apartments with limited space and no outdoor areas. Do this trend advantages of outweigh disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 live in small
apartments
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 because the population is growing. These
apartments
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 do not have big spaces or gardens. Some
people
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 think
this
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 is a good thing,
while
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 others believe it is a problem. In my opinion, living in small
apartments
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 has more disadvantages than advantages. One advantage is that
apartments
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 are cheaper than houses. Many
people
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 cannot afford big houses, so
apartments
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 are a good option.
Also
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,
apartments
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 are usually in cities, which makes it easier to find jobs, schools, and hospitals.
For example
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, in big cities like Tokyo and New York, many
people
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 live in
apartments
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 because everything is close.
However
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, there are many disadvantages.
First,
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small
apartments
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 can be uncomfortable, especially for families. Children do not have space to play, and there is no garden to enjoy fresh air.
Also
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, living in a small space can be stressful.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 lockdown, many
people
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 felt sad because they could not go outside. In conclusion,
while
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apartments
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 are cheaper and more convenient, they have more problems.
People
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 need space to relax and enjoy life.
Therefore
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, I think the disadvantages are stronger than the advantages.

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task achievement
Expand your arguments with more detailed explanations and examples to enhance the depth of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your ideas and strengthen the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Add a variety of complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Clear stance in the introduction and well-defined conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples from real cities to illustrate the points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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