Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?(Bayram)

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The excessive usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
in meals and beverages causes a health concern in society.Some
people
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offer that implementing higher taxes on foods which contain
sugar
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is the best way to overcome the issue.
However
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,
this
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essay debates that there are various methods to ensure a healthy environment. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of the first view,the government tries to apply strict taxes on the price strategies of the companies.İt may lead to less production of sugary foods through manufacturers and
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
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consumption
Change to a plural noun
consumptions
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by customers.Research and development groups explored that consumer behaviour depends on prices.If the costs become more expensive,many
people
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would be price-sensitive.Based on my own perspective,since my childhood,l have gained different sugary meals
such
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as Mars, Twix and so on from Snicker.But after the increasing prices of Snicker
products
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,l immediately refused to get snacks from
this
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company.İnstead of those,
then
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l preferred to buy healthy foods like milk, eggs and rice.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive taxes are not
only
Correct article usage
the only
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step to solve
this
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issue.Some
people
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have less sensitivity
on
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to
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prices,so they have never changed their choices in spite of higher costs.
For example
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,Tobacco
products
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are one of the
products
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that are dangerous to health.
Hence
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,the states implement strict fees on them,
however
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,it doesn’t affect consumers who use cigarettes.Another method is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
arranging educational training
to
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for
show examples
the population
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
this
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concern.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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most part of society
has
Verb problem
is
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not aware of the potential danger of
sugar
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to their welfare.
For example
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,Sweden arranges a meeting with inhabitants who engage a healthcare two times in year. In conclusion,the prevalence of
sugar
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problems requires solutions from the world.
While
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increasing the costs of
products
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may lead to less consumption to some extent,it is not the best way to reduce.The educational meetings with
people
Use synonyms
are a better approach to solving
this
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issue.The government should consider all details before imposing any changes.

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task achievement
Expand on your arguments to provide a clearer and more comprehensive analysis of the issues. For instance, you could further elaborate on alternative methods to reduce sugar consumption.
coherence and cohesion
Check for cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Transitional phrases can help improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic clearly and presents opposing viewpoints, which adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
The use of a personal example helps illustrate your points effectively, making your argument relatable to the reader.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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