IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that in order to improve educational equality, high school students are encourage to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Other think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the prevailing era, some scholars are allowed to provide
feedback
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 on the teaching method of their tutor. It is an argued issue whether it can ameliorate the quality of training or it can promote
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a disrespect
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disrespect
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disrespectful
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 and indiscipline environment in the
school
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 rooms.
This
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 essay will not only discuss both viewpoints but my viewpoint is
also
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 highlighted. I believe that having supportive
feedback
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 in a
school
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 has more drawbacks
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then
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than
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 disadvantages. Commencing with the most salient reason why
feedback
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 by
students
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 on their
teachers
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 can help to improve the structures of study is that it can help
teachers
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 to
analysis
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analyse
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 the
challanges
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challenges
 that are
encounted
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encountered
 by their learners. Because
teachers
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 hardly get to know about the problems of
students
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 without
feedbacks
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feedback
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. Thanks to the
feedback
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 by
students
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,
tutors
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 can find the best solution to solve their issues that can help most of the
students
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 to
get
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apply
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excel in
academic
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academics
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. On the other side, I opine that
students
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 should not
motivate
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be motivated
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 to offer
feedback
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 on their
tutors
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 because it can be quite arduous for
teachers
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 to control their learners in the classroom. Most of them may think that giving less respect to their educator is acceptable and they can say whatever they want to their
tutors
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.
As a result
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.
students
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 can have less manners to give respect to their elderly.
To conclude
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,
although
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 giving
feedback
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by
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to
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students
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 on their
tutors
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 can help them to offer
comprehensive
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a comprehensive
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 understanding
about
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of
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 their
school
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 curriculum, I think that it is a pervasive trend that can create
uncontrolled
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an uncontrolled
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 environment in the
school
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 rooms.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states that the essay will discuss both views and your opinion, which is a good start. However, your thesis statement could be clearer. Instead of saying 'has more drawbacks than disadvantages,' clarify what 'drawbacks' and 'disadvantages' refer to directly for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your points with appropriate paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. Your first paragraph mixes positive and negative views, which could confuse the reader. Reorganize your ideas so that each side gets its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are awkward or contain small errors, such as 'analysis the challenges' which should be 'analyze the challenges'. Pay attention to grammar and word choice to enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that all sentences are complete and logically connect to one another to improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention a specific instance where student feedback improved teaching or where a lack of respect led to issues in the classroom. This would strengthen your argument significantly.
task achievement
You have a clear intention to discuss both views and present your opinion, which is good for the task's requirement. Moreover, your essay presents relevant arguments in favor of both sides, showing understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You address the issue of student feedback and its potential effects, indicating a solid comprehension of the subject. This shows your ability to engage with the topic creatively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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