IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s world, individuals often encounter challenging
different
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situations,
such
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 as
an
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unfulfilling
job
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jobs
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 or financial difficulties.
While
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 some argue that accepting these hardships is
the
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a
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 normal experience,
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however
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however,
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 others believe that striving to progress is essential.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives, before presenting my own viewpoints. On the one hand, some people assume that accepting a difficult situation can bring peace of mind and stability.
Moreover
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, they argue that struggling against obstacles can lead to stress and disappointment.
For instance
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, Netflix, which originally started as a DVD rental service.
However
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, when the DVD market declined,
instead
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 of panicking, the company accepted the market shift and adapted by transitioning to streaming online,
finally
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 becoming a global entertainment giant. On the other
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hand
, many debate that people should always seek to improve their states rather than passively accept them. Progress and success often come from persistence.
For example
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, Kanye West,
who
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faced numerous setbacks before becoming a global icon. Early in his career, many record labels rejected him as a rapper, believing he should stick to producing.
However
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, through relentless effort and belief in his vision, he proved his critics wrong, eventually becoming one of the most influential artists in the music and fashion industries. In conclusion,
while
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 accepting hardships can provide temporary relief and mental peace, striving for improvement is a more effective long-term strategy. In my opinion, individuals should take proactive steps to enhance their lives whenever possible, as resilience and effort often lead to better opportunities and a more comfortable life.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints by elaborating on the reasons behind accepting bad situations and improving them. This could help enrich your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are consistently focused and that each point is fully developed. Some points, especially in the second paragraph, could benefit from clearer explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the introduction, a clearer thesis statement would help guide the reader more effectively about your main argument.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, like Netflix and Kanye West, strengthens your arguments and illustrates your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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