IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

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Small local businesses have to face a lot of challenges, especially since they have to compete with larger
shops
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 and online retailers. In my opinion,
this
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 competition negatively affects the local economy,
therefore
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, some solutions should be adopted to preserve their position. Big supermarkets and online
shops
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 represent the main competitors for small enterprises
,
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apply
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 since they offer the same products at lower prices, which they can afford since they can rely on higher funds and fewer expenses. Being the main competitors, their presence negatively affects
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 economy for a multitude of reasons.
Firstly
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, since they offer lower prices, local
shops
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 would have to reduce theirs to compete;
consequently
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, to cover all expenses, they would have to dismiss some job positions, increasing the unemployment rate.
Secondly
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, if they were to be shut down, the city would lose some of
revenue
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the revenue
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 provided by their taxes.
Lastly
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, local businesses usually provide locally grown products, which contain fewer chemical pesticides and are
overall
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 healthier;
therefore
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, that would leave the citizens without any source for
biofood
Correct your spelling
food
. Some solutions to avoid
this
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 problem are connected to business strategy. Even if competitors are more advantaged, locals can adopt some changes to match with them.
Firstly
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, advertisement holds a fundamental role, since social media have the power to drastically change the situation, supporting small businesses when required.
Secondly
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, it is important to have a good product strategy, offering customers a variety of products with
a
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apply
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good quality, to compensate for higher prices. In conclusion,
shops
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 locally owned hold a lot of power over the economy,
therefore
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 their presence on the market should be preserved and maintained through different market strategies

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates good understanding and response to the task. However, try to develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay is generally clear, but ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which can enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
To improve your score, incorporate more detailed examples or data to support your points, making your argumentation more convincing.
task achievement
You've identified the key issues affecting local businesses and proposed practical solutions, which shows critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is clear with an appropriate introduction and conclusion, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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