IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 understand how much foreign tourists have spent in the UK between 1980 and 2010; meanwhile, through the pie charts, the way reasons for
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 have changed from 1980 to 2010 can be examined.
Overall
Linking Words
, since 1980, the trend has been fluctuating, with some peaks in 1995 and 2005, and lows in 1982, 1993 and 2001. In the meantime, the causes for visiting have remained almost the same, with the main reason being for a holiday. In 1980, about 8,000 million pounds were spent by tourists in the UK; afterwards, the rate kept changing, reaching a high in 1995 at 12,000 and
then
Linking Words
 continued fluctuating until 2010, when it was at 10,500.
While
Linking Words
 the expenditure suffered a lot of changes in 30 years, the reasons for visiting the UK remained almost the same, with Holidays being the main proportion, 44,1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1980 and 39,1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 in 1980 the second place was occupied by business, with a percentage of 20,7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, in 2010, visiting friends or relatives took the second position, with 28,2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
22,8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the latter.
Lastly
Linking Words
, other reasons have decreased from 16,6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 9,8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • steady increase
  • fluctuations
  • overseas visitors
  • significant rise
  • primary reasons
  • pie charts
  • holiday visits
  • business trips
  • visits to friends and relatives
  • expenditure
  • travel options
  • economic factors
  • tourism marketing strategies
  • global travel priorities
  • proportions
  • changing
  • correlate
  • reflect
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