IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ome people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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A lot of people agree that
government
Use synonyms
 needs to focus
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 the idea of life on
other
Change the wording
another planet
other planets
show examples
planet
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
that is
Linking Words
 a
non- useful
Correct your spelling
non-useful
show examples
 idea and wasting
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the public time and
money
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 as there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of problems surrounding the
Use synonyms
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
planet
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. In my opinion,
government
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money
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 sources
needs
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need
show examples
 to
be spend
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be spent
show examples
 on solving community problems. The idea of searching for signs of life on
other
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another planet
other planets
show examples
planet
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 could help in
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , people living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
earth
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing with minimum space to stay on it ,
as a result
Linking Words
 of that crowding and traffic become a serious
problem
Use synonyms
 in
a large countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
a large country
large countries
show examples
, looking for another
planet
Use synonyms
 could solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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. Another reason to keep looking for another place to start living
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the different types of pollution on
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earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 that lead to chronic health
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, air pollution
lead
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leads
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 to chronic
Ashma
Correct your spelling
asthma
 that affects adults and children, so we need to look for
another clean places
Replace the adjective
another clean place
other clean places
show examples
. The search for another
planet
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 for
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 can lead to economic problems as it is very expensive and has unpredictable
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 because no water or oxygen
outsid
Correct your spelling
outside
 our
planet
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. The
government
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 should focus on more realistic projects to improve our community.
Money
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 and time must
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on health care to improve
this
Linking Words
 sector.
For instance
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, we need to build hospitals and research
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 for untreatable diseases.
Other
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Another
show examples
 aspect the
government
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 need to work on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 aspect\ , uneducated people should have the opportunity to complete their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 freely. A special financial budget for building more schools and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. These significant goals are important to achieve the vision of our
countiry
Correct your spelling
country
 with a
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 predictable result. In conclusion, working on the vision of living on
other
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another planet
other planets
show examples
planet
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 could lead to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of all the
government
Use synonyms
 energy without any benefits, on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand spending
money
Use synonyms
 and time on helping to improve the quality of life on
earth
Use synonyms
 is more important ,
due to
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 the excellent predictable results . Community’s feedback

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. Ensure that the thesis statement captures both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single point with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use more formal language and correct grammatical structures to increase clarity. For example, phrases like 'non-useful idea' can be rephrased more eloquently.
task achievement
Add specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This could include statistical data or references to scientific missions.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument effectively and included your own opinion, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
You provided reasons for your opinions, which shows an effort to support your argument, such as mentioning overcrowding and health issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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